“Our Voices – Living With PMDD” #1:

The PMDD Project Aotearoa
Sep 14
4 min read

Experience #1 comes from a community member who wishes to remain anonymous. Their story is raw, honest, and a reminder that PMDD is life-altering.Trigger Warning: This post discusses PMDD, suicidal ideation/attempt, mental health struggles, and themes of hopelessness. Please read with care.

My Lived Experience

Living with PMDD means living in cycles. Half the month, I feel like me, capable, loving, ambitious. The other half, it’s as if my brain is hijacked by something darker.

I still remember the first time I tried to end my life. I had overdosed and was in the hospital. While I was there, my period started, and suddenly, something clicked. My partner and I knew something wasn’t right. I’d told her before that I felt like I was watching myself go through the motions of something I didn’t truly want to do. It wasn’t that I wanted to die; it was that PMDD convinced me I had no other choice.

The physical side is excruciating, too. The pain, the bloating, the bone-deep fatigue, it all grinds you down. Layered on top is the emotional storm: the desperate urge to escape yourself, the way old traumas resurface, how suddenly everyone feels like the enemy.

You become hypersensitive, raw, and just plain lost inside your own body and mind.

It doesn’t just affect me. It ripples out to my family and relationships. The strain is immense. People I love get caught in the crossfire of my moods, or they carry the worry of not knowing which version of me they’ll get that day.

Then, when the fog lifts, I’m left with guilt, a heavy burden of knowing the impact my PMDD has on those around me, even though it’s something I can’t control.

After that, I leveraged my background as a medical professional and began researching. I ticked every symptom box. I looked back over my life, even into my teens, when I had last tried to end my life, and realised every episode was impulsive and clustered around my luteal phase. Why hadn’t I seen it sooner?

My theory: most of my adult life, I’d been on contraception (injections or the pill) and often skipped periods. After my marriage breakup, I stopped using hormonal contraception and from the first cycle back, I felt like a “crazy lady.” The swings were brutal.

I went to my GP with my research. She listened, agreed, and even confided that she also lives with PMDD. I was lucky. Not every clinician recognises PMDD; too many of us get put in the “bad PMS” box. But this is a complete, frightening change in who you feel you are. You feel it, and your whānau and friends see it.

The final straw for me was nearly losing my life. I’m here because my family and friends knew my signs, looked for me, and along with emergency services, kept me safe from myself.

What Help Looks Like (and What’s Missing)

I’ve tried lifestyle shifts, therapy, medication, supplements, journaling, movement, and mindfulness. Some things help. Others don’t. Eventually, I paid to see a specialist and started chemical menopause with add-back HRT. It’s not a cure, but it helps me find more stable ground.

The truth? The system is broken for PMDD. Too many of us are dismissed, misdiagnosed, or left to figure it out alone. We need clinicians trained to recognise cyclical symptom patterns. We need clear pathways, funded care, and compassionate safety plans. We need workplaces that understand, and we need research, because lives are at stake. Studies show PMDD is linked with a higher risk of suicidal thoughts and attempts, yet it remains under-recognised. ScienceDirect+3PMC+3PMC+3

Why I’m Speaking Up

I’m sharing this because silence nearly cost me my life. PMDD is real. It is medical. It is cyclical. And for some of us, it’s life-and-death. We deserve the same urgency and support given to other serious health conditions: robust research funding, clinician training, public awareness, and workplace policies that protect our jobs and dignity.

I also have a question for researchers and health systems: How many deaths among menstruating people are hormone-cycle-related but recorded simply as “mental health”? Until we track the right data, we will keep underestimating the human cost.

A Message of Hope

If you live with PMDD, you are not broken. You are not alone. The storm returns—but so do you. With the right care, community, and self-knowledge, there is more solid ground. Keep notes, track your cycle, build a safety plan, and tell your people what to look for in your luteal days. Your life matters. You matter.

If You Need Support (Aotearoa New Zealand)

Need to talk? 1737 — Call or text 1737 for free, 24/7 support from a trained counsellor. Mental Health Foundation of New Zealand
Lifeline — 0800 543 354 or free text 4357 (HELP). Mental Health Foundation of New Zealand
Suicide Crisis Helpline (TAUTOKO) — 0508 828 865. Mental Health Foundation of New Zealand
Depression Helpline — 0800 111 757 or free text 4202. Mental Health Foundation of New Zealand
In an emergency, call 111.